Saturday, June 14, 2008

Phew, Lucky that 'Microsoft' Don't make Cars

Boffin1157 - Blogs 4 You

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Dug this up from my archives. this is what we could have had if Microsoft 'Did' make cars...

01. The radio would be computerised, but you'd need to install 64 Meg of RAM, and type C:\radio\talk\rush*.* to get it to play. you would also need a new sound card, a game card, a new video driver, a CD drive, extension speakers, headphones, a.............

02. The entire engine wouldn't be installed at once, and the car would have to keep stopping and starting to load in the relevant parts.

03. The speedometer would read 70 even though you are only doing 50.

04. You would have to have a full service and program update every 500 miles.

05. Your car would refuse to start with a message "Abort, Retry, Fail?"

06. For some reason the engine management system would need a 1G hard disc and would take 5 minutes to boot up.

07. The steering wheel would be replaced with a mouse and you'd need to memorize the keyboard short-cut for "Brake". The ignition key would be a password you would never ever remember.

08. A particularmodel year wouldn't be available until after that year- instead of before it.

09. They wouldn't build their own engines but form a cartel with their engine supplier. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it. There would be a bigger turbo version, but it would be slower on most existing roads.

10. The air bag system would flash and say... "Are you sure?" before going off.

11. New seats would require everyone to have the same butt size.

12. We would all have to switch to Microsoft Gas. Or use approved substitutes at our own peril.

13. Governments around the world would be forced to rebuild all of the roads for Microsoft cars; they will drive on the old roads, but they run very slowly.

14. The oil, alternator, gas and engine warning lights would be replaced by a single 'General Car Fault' warning light.

15. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.

16. You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a CarXP or CarVista --- but then you would have to buy ten more seats and a new engine.

17. Occasionally, your car would die for 'NO' apparent reason and you would have to restart it. Strangely, you would just accept this as normal.

18. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this, too.

19. Every time the lines of the road were repainted, you would have to buy a new car.

20. People would get excited about the new features of the latest Microsoft cars, forgetting that these same features had been available from other car makers for years.

21. Lastly, vision of the road ahead would be by the size of windscreen you could afford to look through.

Happy motoring, it could have been worse  :-)

A, B, Catch you later dear reader!